


you deserve so much better

by rightmanham



Category: The CiviliTy of Albert Cashier - Stevens & Wooden/Deratany
Genre: M/M, and didnt proof read smh, i will provide content for this fandom if it kills me, im not actually sure how coherent this is bc i wrote it at like 1 am, plus im a big history gay, this is uhhhhh really short, we need more than 3 people writing fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 10:03:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14330091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightmanham/pseuds/rightmanham
Summary: Sometimes it's hard for Albert to appreciate himself.





	you deserve so much better

Barely months after the end of the war, Albert tells himself he has nothing to prove; he was a fighting infantryman, same as the others. He tells himself that he can still pull his weight, even if he’s a little small. He takes odd jobs around the town, same as Jeff. They go home to the same little house on the edge of Belvidere, he helps pay for it with what he earns.

He has nothing to prove.

There are still days, however, when he is bothered more than normal with these constant internal reassurances. His fists clench in frustration at the conscious effort to lower his voice, his posture stooped when the thick cloth he wraps around his chest every morning isn’t tight enough. He watches with envy when Jeff shaves at night or boys in town haul heavy loads from wagons through backdoors of shops.

Tonight, Albert sits on their back porch, cross-legged on the ground beside the chairs. The sun is just dipping below the horizon as the sky fades to milky purples and oranges. He is numb and lost in thought when Jeff sits down beside him, physically startling him.

He plants a smiling kiss on the smaller man’s temple. “Al? You okay, darlin’?” He asks when Albert flinches away.

Albert grips the material of his trousers so tightly his knuckles turn white. He squeezes his eyes shut because, _damn it_ , he is not going to cry despite the tremor in his body from the sheer inadequacy he feels. He doesn’t trust his voice enough to answer.

To his credit, Jeffrey has learned to take a hint. He doesn’t ask again for a response and instead scoots closer, wrapping an arm around Albert’s shoulders, letting his chin rest on top of the latter’s head.

Albert crumbles. His voices trembles and hitches uncontrollably as he confesses his thoughts. “ _You deserve so much better_.” He gestures helplessly at himself. “You deserve so much better than _me._ If I was normal—”

            “None of that now.” Jeff soothes him, although his words are edged with steel. “I count myself a lucky man to have you, Albert. Lucky just that you tolerate me, what with my yawin’.”

Jeffrey chuckles at himself and Albert can almost feel the gnawing, icy despair in his gut chipping away to be replaced with an indescribable warmth.


End file.
